I Know Where I Won’t Be This Weekend

5 11 2010

Dear biggest bike shop in town,

When I first heard about the expo you’re putting on this weekend, I was excited about getting my bike geek on and checking out what’s new this year. That quickly changed when I saw the featured event:

Pork Chop Throw-Down
Prize: Trek Ticket Frame
Raw Round – Bring in a wrapped pork chop to be judged on cut, freshness, tenderness, fat content, appearance.
Cooked Round – Eligible pork chops will be cooked by a trained cook. Entries prepared similarly for fairness.
Judges will choose a pork chop winner based on best tasting.

Really? You couldn’t think of any other way to tap the obnoxious hipster market that was, say, even slightly related to bicycles? Do you realize how disgusting this sounds to someone who doesn’t eat swine, whether for religious, ethical, health or environmental reasons? There may not be as many vegetarians among off-roaders (the prize is a fancy downhill frame) as there are among utility & commuter cyclists, but why set yourself up to alienate a potentially large number of customers (who also buy a lot of bike accessories)?

My first reaction was “Eww.” Then “Gross.” Followed by, “Eww, what does this have to do with bikes anyway?” Followed by a shudder and “Eww” again. I’m afraid my visceral reaction to an event where everyone is encouraged to pack raw pork has outweighed any curiosity I had about shiny new components and gold medalists.

So, sorry, biggest bike shop in town. I don’t know what you were thinking, but it seems my hopes that you had grown a clue about catering to everyday cyclists were premature. You won’t see me this weekend.

Sincerely,

E-Ville Rider